Issue No. 15, Winter 2015

The Collected Teachings of Ag Nom, Nong
Daniel Ableev

So that’s the sort of you know and he’s like and such and so on and I’m like you know we aren’t getting each other at all and it just doesn’t make any fucking sense so I’m like what the fuck and she’s like well I told you that it would be totally and so on I don’t even wanna go into the details because of all that bullshit with how I am not in the mood or whatever and I’d like a piece of and then there was this totally cool bloke who incidentally was the way I like to look at life in general so that in the end we ended up being like best pals and shit so I decided not to laff there for a while because I saw an apple knotted around the air …

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Why did Arachnomen attack my village by eating our hats and houses made from insect matter? Why does it have to be so darn grotesq all the time? We will be having a nice breakfast, and I strongly suggest that you eat our children made from laser beams. Oh, you mighty anthropormopHosis, stop being so hostile and come to our homes and be guests, you are welcum. My village and I, we want you here as friends, not as gozu-ghosts, ripping around meta-flesh.

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I looked at the clock. It felt empty. The time was still there, of course, but it felt like nothing. This silence. I tried to walk it off. The time had obviously lost its soul, its warmth, its individual odour. What now? I remembered that I still had my grandfather’s chainsaw hidden somewhere inbetween old clothes. My grandpa was the famous serial killer Twinsaw. He had two chainsaws (who were twins) and also two heads (a boy and a girl). He could walk on one head and smile with the other while cutting edges of his unsuspecting and helpless victims, mostly strong and handsome men between the ages of 20 and 35. However, on October ¿th one of his chainsaws vanished. The next second he wasn’t able to think or grin anymore, because both of his heads had vanished, too.


Daniel Ableev, *1981 in Novosibirsk, Russia, is a certified strangeologist from Bonn, Germany; he has studied law and comparative literature, writes for the metal magazine Legacy, composes avantsounds for Freuynde + Gaesdte and co-edits DIE NOVELLE – Zeitschrift für Experimentelles; publications in German & English, print & online (Born to Fear: Interviews with Thomas Ligotti, The Dream People, Alu etc.). www.wunderticker.com / www.wunderticker.de